Lost…Finding Motivation Again
Been a bit of a busy Q4 so I didn’t get around to doing my usual quarterly post. Originally I wanted to write about the Burning Man experience and community. However, the event unfortunately ended on a rough note with a falling out with one of the camp leaders so I found it hard to find motivation to write let alone do my normal recap video. I finally carved out time to do the recap during the XMas holidays and it helped to bring perspective that everyone has different perspectives of their idea of “community”. Reminded again and again that we all have different journeys.
On that note of journeys, mine continues to evolve… It’s been a real struggle these days of finding “home” or what does that mean for me? With my nomadic lifestyle over the last 3 years, and international career trajectory over the last 14+ years I feel pieces of me are spread everywhere. I am grateful for all these wonderful experiences and relationships, and it would be wonderful if all the people I love could be down the road / in my life regularly but at last it’s not reality.
“Community” I think is such an important part of well being, feeling like you belong to something, contributing to something beyond just yourself. It is as small as a family, and big as being a global citizen. With being 37 turning 38 I often find that most of my friends are in relationships, with kids, and in their own worlds/communities. I thought moving back to Oslo it would be a chance to build community again but I’ve been struggling.
Not going out every weekend like my younger friends, older friends already with establish groups of friends from (growing up + uni + etc.) , and most internationals in Norway here in a couple or with a Norwegian partner it’s harder and harder to picture myself here long term. Especially with the language barrier, dark winters, and no surfing.
The winter here again I was really struggling not, having not experiencing the darkness in years, it had a huge effect on my mental well being — I was super depressed / lack of motivation. I realized that natural light within 1hr of waking is essential to regulating your neurological/biological rhythms and the powerful part dopamine plays on your motivation. With the dark my cycle of sleep, energy was completely off laying awake at 5am impossible to sleep, waking up 9am to fall back asleep until 1pm etc. just got progressively worse. Then with the cycle off = less regular exercise = less energy for working on things and boredom filled with “quick” dopamine (netflix, porn, social media, etc.)
I had to do a big change to get myself in gear again in the middle of Dec to reset motivation. Blocked social media on phone/mac with Freedom.to app limited to 1hr during lunch a day so it wasn’t the first thing / last thing I did before bed. Cut drinking. Cut Porn. Bought light therapy lamp for mornings. Blocked regular training / climbing sessions. I feel back to myself to charge forward! Which got me thinking is Norway the place for me and the life I want?
Sri Lanka, Costa Rica, Mexico, Bali all these places were wonderful and great communities of people but I struggled to see it as “home”. Sri Lanka country / culture feels far from my European soul. Bali too far time wise from family but also felt the type of “work” being done for the lifestyle there, influencer, crypto, freelance was distant from the work the invigorates me.
The more time passes I feel the challenge of building a home with someone becomes harder and harder if you don’t have a home for yourself.
So the chicken, the surf, the community of Ericeria Portugal keeps calling to me… so after less then a year in Oslo made a HELL YES decision to finally move to Portugal as originally planned back in 2020. It helps there is a new digital nomad visa and financially I am in a different position to invest in buying a place as well. Building a beautiful life and I can’t wait to share.
Thankfully I get to keep building IndyKite startup with great people remotely and aiming by the summer June/July to start settling into Portugal. Really looking forward to reconnecting with the international group of friends, surfing, hosting friends from around the world, and making room for romance. Fingers crossed I can find the dream home I’ve been looking for…
